The tranquil, sun-kissed evening at Virginia Highlands Park was marred by the unwelcome intrusion of a middle-aged woman, who seemed to take perverse pleasure in disrupting the peaceful night of numerous hardworking patriots. Dressed in her self-proclaimed “official” yellow top with her hair neatly pulled back, she strutted towards the softball fields with an air of misplaced superiority, ready to flex her ill-gotten authority endowed upon her by government pencil-pushers.

“These fields closed at 6:30, you shouldn’t even be here,” she shrieked, brandishing some sort of notification on her phone from the Arlington County Parks Department.

Despite the enjoyable 80-degree weather and the brief rain shower that had refreshed the fields around 6:30, leaving them just slightly damp, this woman insisted on enforcing the closure. Her responses were almost mechanical, repeating the same tired excuse: “It’s not my call.” Her lack of logical reasoning and refusal to think independently rendered her more akin to a programmed robot than a sentient human being.

When the players attempted to reason with her, indicating that they had a permit to use the field and had received no closure notification, she escalated the situation, threatening to obstruct their future permits if they didn’t acquiesce to her commands.

Exasperated by the woman’s irrational behavior, a member of the Daily Caller softball team aptly compared her actions to those of a “Russian sock puppet account spreading misinformation about American politics on social media.” Her rigid adherence to government directives and refusal to think independently only reinforced this analogy.

Despite her best attempts to spoil the evening, the Caller’s team managed to maintain their lead in the suspended game against the Roosevelt Institute. With Chief Nerd Elias Atienza hitting two home runs and Deputy Editor Dylan Housman adding another, the team was well-positioned to conclude the season with a 5-2 record.

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The team also boasted standout performances from Traveling Ad Salesman Jake Berube, who wowed the spectators with a solo double play at shortstop, along with Visiting Sporting Fellows Manfred Wendt and Will Mitola who had productive at-bats. Even Reporting Fellow Erin Van Natta, making her season debut as catcher, played a role in the team’s victory.

As the players packed up their equipment and dispersed, disappointed that their game was abruptly ended by the over-assertive actions of this “deranged cat lady,” they could only hope that their impressive season would still secure them a spot in the playoffs. Given their outstanding record, it was hard to envision they wouldn’t.

Source: SilverCircular